That's What They Call me!
by LunaLover
Summary: Harry Potter doing Ballet? Ron Weasley playing the banjo? Draco Malfoy being artistic? What is the world coming to! :o


Ballet and Banjos

"You have got to be kidding me Hermione."

"Cmon, Harry! It will be entertaining!"

"No. There is no way you are getting me 100 feet of that place."

"Look Harry! It says Professor Mcgonagall will be the instructor."

"Joy for her. I'll remember to transfigure myself into a massive, pink tutu while I am at it."

"That's not funny Harry. Ballet is a classical art in which conventional poses and steps are shared with light flowing figures and actions."

"Ballet is also for girls in fluffy, pink tutus."

"Will you quit it with the tutus?! And it is not! Men do ballet too."

"Yea in big, pink tu- sorry."

"They do not wear tutus Harry. The boys wear leotards."

"Magnificent. I get to hop around wearing skin-tight pants that show off my –"

"Harry!"

"What?"

"Can we try to be enthusiastic about this?"

"Who said I wasn't enthusiastic?"

"Never mind. Anyhow, I expect that there are going to be other boys on here."

"Sure Hermione. I am confident that any boy in Hogwarts would jump at the chance to wear leotards in poetic dancing."

"Uh oh."

"What is it now?"

"Um.... Harry you aren't going to believe this, but....."

"Give me the list."

"What does it mean I am the only boy in the class?!"

"Like I said Harry, I'm sure you will be keen to –"

"HERMIONE!! I AM NOT DOING THIS, DO YOU HEAR ME? I. AM. NOT. DOING. THIS!!"

-----------------------

"I can't believe I am doing this."

Hermione wrenched her hair back into a plait.

"It will be fun Harry. Don't you worry." She reassured. Glancing at her watch, she said promptly, "We better go Harry. The first session of the year starts in five minutes. Are you coming?"

Harry glowered at Hermione from behind the changing screen.

"You can't make me wear this Herms." Harry suspended his body-length, black leotard over the screen.

"Fine." Hermione barked. "If you want to go in your underwear, that's absolutely OK with me. I am sure all the girls will be ecstatic to see a 16-year-old guy, who plays seeker on his quidditch team and has a nice pair of six packs on him, in his smilie face boxers performing ballet."

"I –"Harry halted briefly for a moment to reflect Hermione's words before beginning to color in the face. "How do you know that I am wearing smilie face boxers?"

Hermione smirked humorously. Disregarding Harry's question, she grabbed her ballet bag and left the Common room.

-----------------

"Abbot, Hannah?"

"Here" 

"Brown, Lavender?"

"Here"

"Granger, Hermione?"

"Present"

"Lovegood, Luna?"

"Here"

"Parkinson, Pansy?"

"Here"

"Patil, Parvati?"

"I'm here."

"Potter, Harry?"

Silence.

"I said, Potter, Harry?"

"Ouch!"

"Pardon?"

"Hermione!"

"Cmon Harry!"

"Alright, alright. Here."

Several giggles ruptured throughout the room. Harry knew he appeared like a dork, he could feel it.

"Girls," he thought sullenly, "Why are their intentions to conquer the world of men?"

"Weasley, Ginny?"

"Here."

"Ok then." Professor Mcgonagall enfolded the scroll as she left the table to merge with her pupils.

It was bizarre seeing Mcgonagall in a white leotard and azure tights. Harry felt his eyes bulge in their sockets as she sat onto the ground and crossed her legs Indian style.

"Welcome to Ballet: a class of independent study of the lyrical dance." Mcgonagall depicted. "As the year progresses, we shall be in learning of the several forms of ballet moves. At the end of the school year, a presentation will be conducted for the remainder of the school that did not wish to partake in this unit."

"Oh no!" Harry thought gloomily. He could just see the headlines now.

_-----Boy-who-lived acts in Girl Dance Group----_

_The boy who has defeated He-who-must-not-be-named is taking specific interests this year as he has achieved his sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, reports Melissa Hibblie, journalist and correspondent of the Daily Prophet. But these specific interests do not possess something to do with Quidditch, the sport in which he is gifted for. Oh no, you see, Harry James Potter has been only just glimpsed of dancing with the dance group at his school. And not just any group._

"_Ballet," states his teacher, Professor Minerva Mcgonagall. "A class in which every person should obtain sometime or another."_

_What's more, three deaths have been informed of. Draco Malfoy and his two companions, names not given, have died of what spectators say "fits of hysterics". Funerals are pending._

_Another group was consulted with regarding this recital. But Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Dean Thomas decline any association with Harry Potter at all. Seamus Finnagin was absent for comment._

_----------------------------------_

"Better write my last will and testament now." Harry thought dolefully as the class launched into stretches, "before I kick the bucket from severe mortification."

"So I hope that all of you would at least gain knowledge of a thing or two from this division. And as I – oh. Professor Snape, I see you have decided to join us. As many of you may not know, Professor Snape is reasonably knowledgeable at the course of ballet, so if any of you need a question of yours to be answered, then go to Professor Snape, as he will be more than eager to answer them..........I am sure."

Harry had to restrain his laughter as Snape appeared in an extremely revolting set of maroon leotards and jade tights.

Maybe this ballet thing wasn't going to be so bad after all.

------------------------

"Well Harry, what did you think?"

Harry considered Hermione's question as they strolled to the Gryffindor Common Room. Even though ballet still wasnl't his cup of tea, it was somewhat acceptable to him. Who knew? Perhaps he would develop to be fond of it sooner or later, not that he wanted to.

"It was tolerable." Harry responded to Hermione's question before turning to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Bulging Bottlenoses"

Hermione squeal with glee.

"Oh Harry, just you wait!" she bubbled. "You are going to love it!"

Harry was just about to say a riposte back at Hermione's comment, but something diverted his concentration.

"What's that noise?" Harry asked Hermione as they crawled through the tunnel.

"It sounds like a banjo of some sort."

As the duo approached nearer to the Common Room, words could be clearly interpreted.

_"Nobody gonna take 'er from me, from me._

_Nobody gonna take 'er."_

_Cause when I'm gonna be finished with them, with them,"_

_"They're gonna be swimmin' in the SEEEEEEEAAAAAA!!!!"_

Hermione and Harry had to cup their ears at the last word. Whoever it was, one thing was undeniable. He or she was a baaaaaaaaaad vocalist.

"Oh my goodness!" Hermione's mouth plummeted into a small 'o'. Harry's did the same.

Ron Weasley was sitting on one of the couches with a banjo in his hand, singing at the top of his lungs.

A/N: Ok I have done my part. It is your turn now!!! Get those reviews goin'!!! Cause I am not budging to continue this story until I get at least 5 reviews. Got that? Ok, then get your keyboard energized and start typing!!!! :)


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